A line in the book Body Centered Psychotherapy that still moves me is:
“It is most useful when we commit to moving beyond our personal limits – beyond the insane sources of useless suffering – to the full expression of who we are and what is possible.”
After this sentence Kurtz goes on to talk about how our core material goes deep, that “organizing beliefs are held firmly and defended strongly”. He writes about how trying to force change to these beliefs would surely fail. This really resonated with me personally. I have studied different healing modalities over the past eighteen years. On some level I was searching for my own way of rewriting some of my limiting beliefs. Through the years I learned there really wasn’t just one “miracle modality”. I resonated with some more than others, but found that the miracle is truly within oneself.
The biggest road block can be looking at your own feelings, beliefs, the events and memories that have shaped and organized your life and how you respond to it. The key for me was evaluating this in a heart centered space. Being able to move from a cerebral dissection of my life to truly feeling it without criticism and judgment towards myself and others.
I graduated from a Healer Training Program and Energy Medicine School in 2011. It is founded by Rhys Thomas. One of the big aspects of this training was learning about Energetic Profiles. He termed it the Life Purpose Profiling System and it is based on the work of Dr. Alexander Lowen and Wilhelm Reich. Rhys threw his own expanded vision and study of it into it and coined it The Rhys Method/Life Purpose Profiling System. It combines the psychological profile of personality with the energetic and physical characteristics of a person to create a comprehensive system. We were taught this model to help ourselves by using the profiles as a map to help navigate our lives, to use as a tool to deal with problems and the stresses that are in all our lives. Each of the energetic profiles has a shadow side (defense) and light side. We are thrown into the shadow side as part of our training as we need to experience and accept this aspect of ourselves before we can embrace our light side fully. This method was so freeing and healing for me. These profiles are not seen as judgements but more of a way to discern the defenses that we are experiencing in our lives, and organizing our life by. Once I had a deeper understanding of my own profile, I was able to really dive in deeper and journey into the abyss within myself of what I like to call “Loyalties to Dysfunction”. Some term this as Vows, Limiting Beliefs or Patterns. I see it as a Loyalty to Dysfunction as when looking at where the belief or behavior originated, I would often find it originated as a way of keeping me safe. I created a loyalty to a behavior that kept me safe, or got me praise, or love even if the behavior in the long run caused self-harm. Some were passed down from generations before me and I was expected to keep it going because that was how it always was.
Working with my personal devotion to self-healing, I have found it is the whole process that needs to move along. The experiences that created your beliefs need to go from being talked about, to being felt, to being studied, to being expressed, to being understood. From my own experience in life in psychotherapy, holistic healing, personal relationships, my traditional psychology degree, I can see a pattern of how “just” talking sometimes doesn’t get you far. A lot of times talking can keep someone in their wounds, or you may even meet the person in their wounds and that is where the relationship will stay, or that is where the person will stay. .
A few years ago, I sought out my counselor again as I still had issues and resentments that kept creeping up on me that was really interfering with my self-esteem and self-worth. I had done a ton of energy work, body work, and self-study. I had made a lot of progress, but couldn’t seem to shake these deep seated feelings. This counselor was not a holistic counselor. I do feel he is deeply intuitive, and he is also very spiritual. He asked about my spiritual beliefs and incorporated this into my work. Going to see this counselor shifted me. I am forever grateful. He did use hypnosis on me to do inner child work. He hypnotized me and brought me into the future to see the Jessica who is free of any issues and full of joy and peace. He had me embrace her and take in those qualities. He then brought me back to meet my inner child. I was greeted by an angry child, who was deeply hurt and wounded. It was here I had a deep realization to the origin of some of my loyalties to dysfunction. My Inner Child’s self-esteem was low and she was angry. She was tired and felt like she couldn’t let her guard down. I went over and picked her up onto my lap. I told her it was okay and that all was well now. I embraced her and she melted into me. She knew that the adult “Jessie” would handle life now and she could at long last rest. This work was so incredible to my healing and being able to let go.
“The Child and it's experiences built the world view and the self-image. The child was the map maker. So, in contacting and working with the child, you have the possibility of changing those maps and the person who is now using them.”
I realize that all of our defenses, and the way we organize our experience is rooted in our inner child. We must all be one big group of children interacting in the world.
The purpose of this blog is to encourage each of you to be fearless in your pursuit to your own healing. It isn’t an easy journey. You get afraid, you avoid, you procrastinate. Sometimes you need a break, sometimes you get aggravated and negative and whine about why you don’t need to do it. What matters is that you don’t quit and you keep your focus. It is a lifetime's journey but one that is so worth it. You have more peace in life. You have an awareness and an appreciation of how you became the person are today. You also will understand that you have a unique purpose in your life. All of us including those that are psychotherapists, healers, spiritual teachers, etc. all have loyalties to dysfunction. Not one of us is singled out. It really is just choosing to look at it with an open heart and loving all of yourself even the parts that have limited you.
I recommend these book links if you are interested in working with your inner child to heal and also if you are interested in understanding the Profiles:
Jessica Kozak E.M.P.
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